My, or at least he was until Tues, Dec 1st, 20, so very COMPLETELY SPECIAL Robert, who was my all around BEST man & great friend, not to mention, my ONLY "husband" ever, that I have ever found, OR WILL EVER find, in my ENTIRE lifetime was the SOLE one, that I have ever so deeply and profoundly cared for, while I passionately fell for him, bringing me into a state of totally blissful & extreme ecstasy in the most wild loving way I have ever experienced in my life.
On Dec 1st, this extremely awful, totally UNFORGIVABLE worst day ever, that I will forever earnestly wish I could re-live, and completely transform the very truly worst decision of my ENTIRE existence that I somehow made that appears to be....
...UNFORGIVABLE, giving me the worst pain of an eternal heart and soul break, in this now eternally hopeless, and also pointless life with no further purpose or any more motivation to do anything further with my life.
Rob, being the most extraordinary & absolutely exceptional gentleman that he was, who once was my very own, took time in being sincere & genuine in his COMPLETELY & absolutely honest, unique & gentle, loving way. He conveyed the highest honor I have ever received by allowing me the privilege of being part of his inspiring, uplifting life. Being almost certain that he, the ONLY one I have ever given my loving heart to, will never see this extremely heartfelt yet sorrowful post, I will attempt my very BEST to return the honor he so graciously bestowed upon me, by conveying in the best way I know how, what a totally virtuous and well beyond irreproachable loving soul he really always was to me.
This post, held in his distinguished honor, is the only way I know to honor him in the most noble and prominent way I can.
I shall begin by showing the significant process he practiced in his very own loving nature. He always had an eminently acute sense of not only SELF-respect but also giving me the utmost respect I deserved as well. Considering just one manner in which he accomplished this, was his constant, profound concern for me, regarding my pertinent needs, like my good health while I took excellent care of myself.
As he completely immersed himself fully into my prominent & pertinent needs, he also wanted me to set challenging, yet achievable goals. His considerate, thoughtful & commendable actions, made me much more aware of his loving, very sincere demeanor & his constantly calm mannerisms. His way of always being able to keep a level head, even in trying times, never failed to amaze me!
I will never forget the time when a car nearly ran me over while so flagrantly ignoring the crosswalk I was in, in retaliation, I angrily showed them just how I felt about being invisible, by pounding on their roof.
Care to take a wild guess to the way my very special Rob acted?
Would you believe that he just looked into my eyes, with the same love and concern he always did, then while remaining perfectly calm, he simply asked me, in his gentle, soft spoken voice, that I have always admired,
"Are you crazy?"
This well-intentioned, totally level headed gentleman NEVER ...
yelled
screamed
got angry at all
jumped up and down
had a bad temper
OR
ever lost it at all!
Are you seeing just how BEYOND FUCKING AWESOME & SPECIAL he was?
The extreme power he had in his forthright acts & selfless motives were astonishing to me, as his constant ability of showing his true genuine motivation totally shocked me his very sincere giving actions, never with ulterior motives in mind.
Considering all his many capabilities, I truly believe that he must have ALL THE positive sought after traits, that everyone everywhere, constantly wants, needs, and attempts to attain. He was invariably always so thoughtful, the way he steadily spoke to me calmly and patiently about my annoying faults and negative shortcomings, especially with my temper, while simultaneously making lucid well thought out suggestions and also giving the best advice I must have ever received from such a special loving man.
In fact, to enlighten you to all his beyond admirable traits he has within, I will simply just list them now!
These are just some of his very inspiring and loving traits:
Intelligent, caring, protective, always looking out for me, and also all the others he cares so much for, while he gives such brilliant advice, and so very patient-YES Very!
and on top of everything else, very level-headed, while I’m NOT!
On the special MUG, I gifted to him; I relayed his very special qualities that I always saw in him and admired very much. His MUG proudly displays his very best attributes & qualities that he always showed me.
They were:
Loving
Level headed
Protective
Intelligent
Awesome
Thoughtful
Generous
Supportive
The mere brief instant that passed way too quickly, while I existed in his very serene and extremely inspiring world, vanished quicker than it came. During this, almost non-existent, time together, he tried his utmost to instill at least a few of his beyond many admirable qualities, traits, and even his rare attributes, the only way he knew how. He will always be memorable, as he is a rare & unusual find, being in such a specialized, exclusive class far above ALL the rest!
Being so very simple to comprehend, my sincere deeply profound heartfelt thoughts will touch you on a very deep level, but only if you take in the very essence and also completely undeniable meaning as I strive to convey my particularly tough message to YOU!
I firmly attest, with no question or reservations, with complete undeniability and total honesty, that the sole love of my entire life, known as,
Robert L. Padilla,
will infinitely be the type of man that I can only dream of even being in the same league as him, let alone, ever becoming the type of beyond extraordinary man he has always been, while he continues without barriers, to retain all of his enviable and very well respected, (especially by me) heroic attributes, well beyond this brief pause on our eternal journeys.
I really have absolutely NO idea in mind, on my next step in life, other than to perhaps just submit my once powerful will, over to someone who has attained the appropriate knowledge to arrive at the best decisions in life. Maybe they just might succeed in the difficult art of making proper decisions, while they also triumph over disheartening decisions, and start making mine for me, finally!
But they have NO need for me either.
This totally beyond patient man, who constantly had only my best interests in mind, and at heart, will eternally keep his very own special spot, in what is now, my excruciatingly & completely painful heart & soul.
Before I begin, with my final word to him, the only one I will NEVER EVER forget, not only him, but the thoughtful, loving, caring gestures he always had for me.
I will also ALWAYS & ETERNALY remember YOU, Robert, in my now, very sorrowful and bleak, but also very loving thoughts and hopeful prayers for you.
In this closing outreach, that I most sincerely hope to convey my completely sorrowful and heartfelt thoughts, this closing goes out to Robert L. Padilla, once totally mine, the most well-respected man I will ever meet in my life. I firmly attest to YOU, this very moment, that I am way BEYOND sorry for what I so harshly & disrespectfully brought myself to do that hurt you in any way whatsoever!
Believe me, my once very special BF, Robert, when I strongly and soundly decisively affirm that I would give ANYTHING in my power, just to re-live that dreadful day again, in order to change it to a much more positive and fulfilling day for us BOTH!
Apparently, this is goodbye, but it will perpetually hurt me evermore!
I will ALWAYS LOVE you, ROB, INFINITELY!
my ONE & ONLY DEAREST Robert
Love YOU forever,
Your "husband"