One way to define STRONG is getting through a loved one's demise.
When I lost my father to a homicide, I could see right away there was no justice in sight at all, aside from the fact the rouge murderer was above the law anyway, he also committed suicide after killing 2 others one of them being my loving and gentle father, hence alleviating any recourse.
It is perfectly normal to grieve and I may be doing just that very thing quite possibly eternally.
Allow me to briefly cite the stages of grieve.
They are:
anger
sadness
acceptance.
bargaining
Denial and isolation;
Anger;
Bargaining;
Depression;
Acceptance.
But it is also worth mentioning that,
"People who are grieving do not necessarily go through the stages in the same order or experience all of them."
We all experience the 5 different stages of grief in different ways to help us cope with the traumatic loss of a loved one. I know this all too well!
I believe that the only one I can never come to terms with must be #5 acceptance since I have so much anger bottled up. There are facets of the whole ordeal that I just can't accept. A number of circumstances that are just too unbelievable, being way out of whack.
The elements are so goddam unjust,
Was NOT his argument at ALL!
Was at work, so he was safe?
NO!! He came home for lunch, to HELP?! UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE!
He was helping?
Doing what?
The ONLY action he "helped" with was to help himself right into eternity
The timing as explained below.
The timing, is just way too "wrong!" if he had been home just 30 minutes before or 30 minutes later, he would still be alive today. He was helping his termagant who was always at odds with everyone since she had such a strong will and controlling demeanor.
She even said one Christmas,
"I'm going to control this!"
in regards to opening presents.
These are words from my cousin about the termagant,
"I totally agree with you that she was so controlling and boisterous!! She made me eat sausage for Christmas one year and she made me eat it like I was her child. I wasn’t even a child; I think I was 19 or 20 and a vegetarian. So, I get it when you talk about her being a control freak!!!!"
I'm just shaking my head in disbelief, unfuckingreal!
This is what my dad was with?
So at least other people saw the way she was too, I wasn't the only one.
I don't even know what he planned on doing to help her, besides getting himself killed.
In the end, the 3 of them argued about money, the root of all evil. My dad had NO FUCKING business in that argument that only involved her and her evil ex-husband. So in all, after the termagant and my dad were brutally murdered, the rouge killed himself, thus being a double homicide-suicide. As you might imagine, it was all over the news, as far away as the other side of the country.
So, it appears as though the fucking bitch has my dad, all to herself, for the rest of eternity, infinity, or whatever the accurate term is to describe the length of time.
Enough rambling!
I just needed to get this off my chest.
I don't mean to bring you down and depress you.
Sorry about that.
Thank you VERY MUCH for listening
Maybe I am not as strong as I exude to be. You never know.
It is said that your kids, albeit, fur babies give you one of the best days of your life and one of your worst. I am dreading the day my daughter, you met her on March 3rd --Day #3 - change, moves on forever thereby giving me my worst.
Presently though, I will spend a lot of time with her and will cherish the time I have now while I have her and treat her like the little precious princess that she is. I feel that she was sent to me by god.
Perhaps?
Anything is possible!
That's what I live by
It's one thing I love, is a good challenge.
Love you both (for listening to me ramble),
CJ
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